A new social template

Hello, new generation kids, are you familiar with the term god bharai ? No? Maybe ‘baby shower’ could ring a bell? Well, many traditional rituals have remained with us, only the name has changed for the urbanites with a good amount of fun infusion.

Over the years Indian society has morphed into a new avatar with varied cultural elements of different eclectic styles coming together. After all, that’s what the country has been always doing, absorbing social changes at different times. So today our lifestyle has become an interesting mix  of the old and the new.

We still follow the traditional various rituals, but with a twist to match modern sensibilities.

Cake cutting at the weddings and kissing the bride has stepped in; bridal shower, bachelor bashes, bachelorette, baby shower, baby moon and what have you, are new trends

Is it the new template of our ceremonies?

God bharai ritual is celebrated by many communities in India when the expecting mother is blessed by parents and close relatives. It is celebrated on the seventh month of the pregnancy to shower affection on would-be moms, basically offering emotional support.  But today it is celebrated more with friends with a smattering of  family members in what is renamed as ‘baby shower’, a Western import, with invitation cards and all.  Fun prevails more here than tedious rituals, with gifts, games and good food.

In the eastern region the event is usually observed in the fifth month of pregnancy  called panchamrit , meaning  feeding the would-be mother with five amrits – a mix of honey, ghee, milk, curd and sugar.

“A first- time mother-to-be is scared as to what would happen to her body and also how to connect with the outside world after the baby arrives,” says Saheli Ghosh, mother of two.  She found her first pregnancy a bit daunting  and had many questions that she could not feel free to ask anyone. Today it’s much more open. “It’s also a nice way to gift the items required for the baby and also for your own self. It makes a person feel wanted,” she feels.  

This occasion is also about woman-bonding  where issues of  pregnancy blues, child-birth, etc. are freely discussed. A certain amount of pandering to her needs and moods, having her friends, cousins and immediate aunts over also makes sure that the expectant mother is in a happy zone.

Then there is something called Babymoon, which after the pregnancy is announced and thereafter declared as safe and steady, somewhere in the fourth month, the couple is advised to take a short vacation.

“Babymoon got me startled, for I wasn’t aware of a thing like this in our country. I got to know from my sister who lives in Seattle,” says Akanksha Jain, Kolkata. 

Like in the West, couples also go for ‘pregnancy shoots’ these days back home.

As for traditional weddings, among most communities, the culture is to get close relatives arrive a few days earlier rather than on the day of the wedding .There was a thought behind this - helping the family in dispensing different duties; receiving guests, handling catering issues and accounts and also giving attention to the bride and the bridegroom. This would be an accepted and an understood gesture, as that also involved festivities like singing together, dancing to the the dholki beats or just enjoying varied menus for a week or so.

“You need friends, close family for dhoom dhadaka, chit chat food and fun,” gushes Payal Sirohi when asked about her upcoming wedding. But she is also planning a bachelorette in Kathmandu with her close friends.

The term, somewhat like sakhi -meet before a wedding, has come from the west and now is rapidly gaining popularity in Indian weddings “With family you have to follow certain protocols and curfew time and if you don’t do that our seniors get worried. So we just want a getaway that rules out such sanctions and want to have plain and simple fun ,before we get bogged down with family and home issues”, Sirohi says unabashedly. But tell it to an old-timer you might evoke a few disapproving looks. Bride away from home with the wedding a few days away, what’s this? Sorry ma, that’s the way it is.

Bachelorette parties, also termed as hen parties, have no colour themes or dress codes unless someone wants it to be that way.

Bachelor  bashes or stag parties before the groom gets hitched is old hat but now the bride is also joining in with her own version of ‘freedom night’. “One reason for the popularity of these feel-good ceremonies before the baby arrives or the bride is given a send-off is probably its non-rigid style of celebration,” says Sharda Bhuwalka, a teacher in one of the leading schools of Delhi.

And then, whether it is an all-women’s party, or a family get together, today the focus is on convenience and quality time too.

Perhaps very soon we will have baking- bread rituals before the nuptials like the Bulgarians or racing to make the bed like the Chinese.

Today all these small fun-filled activities are getting woven from Greece, China, Bulgaria, USA or Canada blending into the important events in one’s life- whether giving birth or tying the knot, and having a great time.  Come, let’s have fun!