Battling cancer, actor Irrfan Khan sends heartfelt note from London

In a special note, published in Times of India, Irrfan said that the cancer he’d been diagnosed with was rare and had more unpredictability of its treatment.

“It’s been quite sometime now since I have been diagnosed with a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. This new name in my vocabulary, I got to know, was rare, and due to fewer study cases, and less information comparatively, the unpredictability of the treatment was more. I was part of a trial-and-error game,” said Irrfan.

He continued, “In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabbed to my son, ‘The only thing I expect from ME is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable.’ That was my INTENTION. AND THEN PAIN HIT.”

“The suddenness made me realise how you are just a cork floating in the ocean with UNPREDICTABLE currents! And you are desperately trying to control it.”

“As I was entering the hospital, drained, exhausted, listless, I hardly realised my hospital was on the opposite side of Lord’s, the stadium. The Mecca of my childhood dream. Amidst the pain, I saw a poster of a smiling Vivian Richards. Nothing happened, as if that world didn’t ever belong to me. I was left with this immense effect of the enormous power and intelligence of the cosmos. The peculiarity of MY hospital’s location – it HIT me. The only thing certain was the uncertainty. All I could do was to realise my strength and play my game better,” Irrfan told TOI.

“This hospital also had a coma ward right above me. Once, while standing on the balcony of my hospital room, the peculiarity jolted me. Between the game of life and the game of death, there is just a road. On one side, a hospital, on the other, a stadium. As if one isn’t part of anything which might claim certainty – neither the hospital, nor the stadium. That hit me hard.”

Irrfan also revealed that this realisation has made him ‘submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome.’ He also added that his concerns have taken a backseat and he now knows what freedom truly means.

He wrote, “All I could do was to realise my strength and play my game better. This realisation made me submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome, irrespective of where this takes me, eight months from now, or four months from now, or two years. The concerns took a back seat and started to fade and kind of went out of my mind space.

“For the first time, I felt what ‘freedom’ truly means. It felt like an accomplishment. As if I was tasting life for the first time, the magical side of it. My confidence in the intelligence of the cosmos became absolute. I feel as if it has entered every cell of mine.”

In March this year, Irrfan had revealed he had been diagnosed with NeuroEndocrine Tumour adding that learning about the disease ‘has admittedly been difficult.’ He had written, “The unexpected makes us grow, which is what the past few days have been. Learning that I have been diagnosed with NeuroEndocrine Tumour as of now has admittedly been difficult, but the love and strength of those around me and that I found within me has brought me to place of hope.

“The journey of this is taking me out of the country, and I request everyone to continue sending their wishes. As for the rumours that were floated, NEURO is not always about the brain and googling is the easiest way to do research. To those who waited for my words, I hope to be back with more stories to tell.”

Irrfan’s wife, Sutapa Sikdar, had made a desperate appeal to his fans thanking them for their support after her husband was diagnosed with the ‘rare disease.’

Image: Irrfan Khan Twitter Display Picture